


Monochrome World

by shinru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Color Blindness, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinru/pseuds/shinru
Summary: Akaashi could only see the world in black and white. It was dull and closed to having no life at all."But Akaashi, even if you only see black and white, you can still feel."Bokuto taught him that colors can be felt and his world had never been the same again.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 13
Kudos: 131





	Monochrome World

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for [risu](https://twitter.com/kitsunarin) in Twitter. For the word "fireworks and colorblindness" This was supposed to be short but my hand slipped. I hope you like it, Risu! You gave me permission for angst, remember? HAHAHA!

"Keiji, put your yukata on. We're going to the firework festival," his mom said while standing in front of the mirror, combing her raven hair. 

Akaashi sighed and went back to his room without complaining just like he always does every year when his mom brings him to firework festivals. Even though all he could see was black and white.

He took the yukata hanging on his wall and stared at it. His mom said she picked the color blue because it compliments his teal eyes. He turned around to look at the mirror, hovering the yukata on his body. 

Still, all he could see was black and white. 

Total color blindness. Since he was a kid, he couldn't see any colors. He remembered his mother being in denial at first, pointing at everything, telling its colors, but in the end, the only color he could see was black and white. 

"What's the point of watching if I can't even see its true colors?" 

He always says this but deep inside, fireworks fascinate him. The light explodes in the sky, leaving small sparkles when it ends until it vanishes completely. But when it ends, there was this empty feeling on his chest, a voice whispering at the back of his head asking, "What would it be like if I can see colors?" 

It was always crowded and Akaashi hated it but his mom looked like she really wanted to keep this as their tradition so he just let her drag him everywhere. 

"Is that your classmates?" His mom pointed to the group of kids walking together. 

"Yeah," he murmured. "Let's go." He grabbed her sleeve and dragged her away but she stopped walking.

"Why don't you hang out with them?" 

"Mom," he sighed. "Let's just go."

His mom patted his cheek gently. "It's fine, baby. Go have some fun. Text me when you want to go home and I'll pick you up."

He opened his mouth to complain but his mom looked so happy that he will finally have a chance to hang out with kids his age so he just nodded his head again and walked away. 

Good thing it was crowded, his mom wouldn't see where he would be going. 

Akaashi ended up in the woods and he kept on walking until he reached an open field. 

"Oh, hello!" 

He turned to his side and saw a guy standing not far away from him. Akaashi politely nodded and looked at the sky, waiting for the fireworks to start. 

"Umm, hello."

Akaashi looked at the guy again who was closer to him now. "Hello," he greeted back because the guy looked like he won't stop until he greeted back. 

The guy smiled. "I'm Bokuto Koutarou." 

"Akaashi Keiji."

Bokuto opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he stopped when the fireworks started shooting up the sky. They both looked with a small smile on their face. 

"What color do you see?" Bokuto asked him. 

He looked at Bokuto, his eyebrows furrowing, and wondered if he knew that he was colorblind. But that was impossible because they just met. 

Bokuto noticed him staring so he turned his head to look at him. "Ah, I'm sorry. I have red and green color blindness so I can't see its exact color."

Akaashi's eyes widened a bit. "I… I have total color blindness, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto's jaw dropped, his eyes widening. "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have asked you!" 

Akaashi smiled and looked at the sky again. The lights were erupting, making noise in the sky, but still… it was all black and white. 

"It's fine. I still love watching it anyway."

"You must be wondering what colors are they too right?" Bokuto sat on the grass, his eyes were still looking at the sky. 

"Always."

"Well, I see colors but it's different from what the people see. I used to hate it but now I feel so unique," he said. "But Akaashi, even if you only see black and white, you can still feel."

"What do you mean?" 

"Close your eyes and feel. Listen to the fireworks exploding in the sky and you'll know what I mean."

Although confused, Akaashi closed his eyes until all his senses were focused on the sound coming from the fireworks. He felt a soft thud in his chest then it clenched. The sound felt so close, ringing in his ear. And then he realized what Bokuto meant by feeling the colors. He felt goosebumps rising on his skin and heard the pounding of his heart. 

When he opened his eyes, Bokuto was in front of him smiling. 

Suddenly, he couldn't hear the fireworks anymore but it was still erupting in the sky, casting a shadow on Bokuto's face as his back facing it. 

Akaashi's eyes darted from Bokuto's silver and black hair and down to his eyes. 

_ His eyes feel so warm.  _

"Bokuto-san, you must have golden eyes."

Bokuto looked like he was taken aback. His lips trembling slightly like he was about to cry. "Wow, Akaashi, you're awesome! Yes, I have golden eyes."

Akaashi smiled. "Thank you for telling me about colors and feelings, Bokuto-san." 

Bokuto waved his hands. "Oh, it's nothing much." They both looked at the sky when the fireworks stopped shooting up. The festival ended. Bokuto looked back at him. "Can we see each other again?" 

Akaashi answered him with a nod and a small smile on his lips. 

In a short amount of time, Akaashi found out a lot of things about Bokuto. He found out that Bokuto was living 2 hours away from Akaashi's hometown. He found out that he just went here because he wanted to see the fireworks by himself. He also found out all the little things about Bokuto because he talked about almost everything when they were texting. 

_ [Akaashi, can we meet up at the same place where we watched the fireworks?] _

Akaashi smiled which he had been doing much lately since he met Bokuto. It was weird but although he couldn’t see colors, he could feel how it  _ feels  _ to see one. It felt like a spring breeze, the soft humming in the air as it brushed your face, a warm feeling that you get as you basked in the morning sun.

_ [Sure, Bokuto-san.] _

“Mom, I’ll go out for a bit.” 

His mother smiled, looking so happy that he was finally hanging out with his  _ friends.  _ Bokuto was worth more than a hundred of them. He didn’t need a lot. Bokuto was enough. But he couldn’t tell his mother that because she will surely force him to hang out with a group that he didn’t even like.

“Have fun!” she called out.

When he got there, Bokuto was already sitting on the grass, holding a box. It was a box of sparklers.

“Akaashi!” He waved excitedly. “Look, I bought this!” 

He sat down next to Bokuto. “Small fireworks,” he said softly.

“Yup! Small fireworks!” Bokuto opened the box and took out two sticks of sparklers. He handed the other one to Akaashi. “I'm gonna light up yours first.” He took out a lighter and lit Akaashi’s sparklers and did the same for him.

They waited until it sparked, the light casting on their faces. Akaashi could feel the warmth coming from it but it wasn’t just that, when he looked at Bokuto, he could feel his stomach tingling like there were things flying around inside. He watched as the light reflected in Bokuto's eyes and Akaashi felt the colors once again.

This time, it felt different.

It felt a lot like  _ love. _

* * *

_ “Hey, Akaashi, what do you feel when you realize that you can’t see any colors other than black and white?”  _ Bokuto asked through the phone. 

Akaashi laid down on his bed, phone in his hand, and tightly pressed it on his ear because he wanted to hear Bokuto closely rather than turning it into a loudspeaker.

“It felt unfair,” he muttered. “I thought...why do I have to see this dullness for the rest of my life?” He sighed, feeling a lot lighter after he said that. He never told anyone about how he felt. Because first, he didn’t want his mother to worry, and lastly, he didn’t have other friends.

There were so many changes in that short amount of time he met Bokuto. 

He waited for Bokuto to answer but he heard him coughing nonstop.

“Bokuto-san? Are you okay?”

Bokuto kept coughing and minutes passed until he spoke again. “Ah, I’m fine, I just choked on my own spit.”

Akaashi laughed. “What the hell?”

He heard Bokuto laugh too. “Hey, I’m dying here and you’re laughing at me?!”

Akaashi shook his head, a small smile on his face. “It can’t be that bad.”

Bokuto suddenly fell silent and Akaashi had to look at the screen to see if the call was still ongoing until Bokuto spoke again. “Yeah, I guess.”

Akaashi never looked forward to his day. Not until Bokuto came into his life. Every weekend, they meet at the same place, lighting up sparklers, laughing at their own stupid jokes, and talking about everything that comes to mind. 

“Hey, Akaashi, isn’t it time to call me by my first name?” Bokuto said while laying down on the grass.

Akaashi looked down at him, heat spreading on his face. “T-that’s embarrassing.”

Bokuto beamed at him. “Keiji.”

Akaashi felt like he would combust. No one has ever called him “Keiji” other than his parents. This was the first time that someone called him by that name and it was from Bokuto. It sounded so soft and gentle, the way it rolled out his tongue.

“Come on, call me Koutarou.” Bokuto smiled.

Akaashi took a deep breath. “K-Koutarou.”

Bokuto fell silent. He put his hand on his chest while looking at the stars. “Ah, this is bad. I feel like my heart is going to stop.”

At that moment, Akaashi wanted to say something but he just looked at the sky and watched the same set of stars that Bokuto was watching.

_ Me too, Bokuto-san. _

* * *

“Akaashi, let’s watch the fireworks festival together next year,” Bokuto said while laying his head on Akaashi’s lap.

Akaashi combed his hand through Bokuto’s hair, just like what he wanted to do for a long time but finally had the courage to do so. Bokuto looked like he didn’t mind and he seemed to be enjoying it.

“Sure,” he answered.

Bokuto looked at his eyes. “You know, I really wanted to guess the color of your eyes,” he said.

Akaashi smiled. “Then guess.”

“Since I see the color green differently, I think...the color in between blue and green suits you. Everytime I look into your eyes, I feel like I’m in the sea. I don’t know how to explain it in so many words but your eyes...I love your eyes.”

And Akaashi didn’t need to hear anything anymore. He leaned down and planted his lips on Bokuto and was surprised how soft it was. When he leaned back, he saw the shock on Bokuto’s face.

“I love you,” Akaashi confessed.

Bokuto bolted upright. “I...I’m sorry, Akaashi.”

Akaashi opened his mouth but no words came out. He felt like something was plunged in his heart. Suddenly, he saw how dull the surrounding was from his eyes.

_ He couldn’t feel the colors anymore. _

“N-no, I should be the one sorry,” he said and stood up. “I’m sorry for saying that.”

“N-no! I...It’s not your fault.” Bokuto looked like he was about to cry. “I...I want to love you too, Akaashi...but I can’t.”

“Why?” It came out as a whisper because if he said it out loud, there was no guarantee that his tears wouldn’t fall.

“I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

_ If pain has colors, it would be black and white. _

Their weekend plans stopped. Their late-night calls didn’t last long. The constant messages were reduced to morning greetings and good nights. It went on for so long that Akaashi didn’t realize that a year had already passed.

He took his phone and went to the list of his contacts. He immediately saw Bokuto’s name on it.

His fingers hovered above it, thinking if he should call or not. In the end, he set his phone back down and sighed.

_ I guess I’ll be going to the fireworks festival with my mom again. _

And the day before the fireworks festival, he got a call from Bokuto.

His hand shook as he pressed the button. “Bokuto-san?”

_ “Hey, call me Koutarou.”  _ His voice was oddly soft, the cheerfulness in it was gone.

Akaashi’s breath hitched. “Koutarou.”  _ I miss you. _

_ “If I…”  _ He trailed off.  _ “...ah, no, I wanna tell you something.”  _ Akaashi’s heart was beating loudly on his chest. He closed his eyes so he could hear Bokuto’s voice clearly that he badly wanted to hear.  _ “When I’m with you, every color I see feels so right.”  _ He heard Bokuto taking a deep breath.  _ “Keiji, I love you. I should have told you sooner.” _

“Koutarou, I…” He didn’t know why tears suddenly fell from his eyes. “I love you. I love you so much. I want to see you.”

_ “I want to see you too.” _

Akaashi sobbed. “See you tomorrow then.”

_ “See you tomorrow.” _

* * *

“Mom, faster!” Akaashi kept pacing back and forth in the living room, wearing his yukata. His mom said it was color blue again but lighter than the ones he wore before. He didn’t care tho. He just wanted to see Bokuto.

“Yeah, yeah, coming!” She went out of her room while tying her hair into a ponytail. “Let’s go.”

It didn’t take them long to reach the festival. He checked his phone and saw a message from Bokuto. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw the long message but his heart skipped a beat when he saw the word  _ I’m sorry  _ in it.

“Keiji! Where are you going?!” His mom called out when he started running.

He gripped his phone tightly. Tears were welling up in his eyes. When he reached the place where they always meet, he didn’t see Bokuto there who was always waiting, who always came here early.

He dropped to the ground. With shaking hands, he played the voice message attached to the chat.

_ Keiji, I’m sorry I wouldn’t be able to make it. I don’t know where to start. But first, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you that day. I shouldn’t have let you fall for me. I shouldn’t have let you get close to me. Even though I know that I won’t be able to last long. _

“What are you saying?” Akaashi sobbed, his whole body aching. His eyes were getting blurry and his tears were falling on the screen of his phone nonstop.

_ You see, my lungs had failed me.  _ He tried to laugh but Akaashi heard his voice break in the end.  _ I always love fireworks and even though I know it will kill me, I chose to light one up with you every week, not minding the smoke, not minding how it will affect me and these stupid lungs of mine. _

Akaashi gasped, every word that he heard was making him hard to breathe.

_ When you kissed me and told me you loved me, for the first time in my life I wanted to live longer. God knows how much I prayed. But I’m sorry I had to reject you because I don’t want you to love me even more.  _

There was silence until he heard soft sobs coming from Bokuto that matched his.

“Koutarou,” Akaashi sobbed. “Koutarou,” he called his name again.

_ I’m sorry I wouldn’t be able to watch the fireworks with you, Keiji. _

“No, no, no, please, don’t say sorry.”

_ I’m sorry I can’t love you longer. _

“No, please, please…” Akaashi clutched his chest. “Koutarou, I love you. I love you,” he whispered.

_ I love you, Keiji. _

_ Before I go, let me guess the color of your eyes again. _

_ It’s teal. _

The voice message ended but the pain in Akaashi’s heart intensified. He cried so hard but the heaviness on his chest was killing him. He gripped his phone tightly and hugged it on his chest. His sobs echoed around, not caring if people would hear.

“Keiji! Keiji! Oh, God, baby.” His mom kneeled in front of him and hugged him. “Keiji, everything will be ok. Mom is here now. Please, calm down, Keiji.” 

Akaashi gripped the back of his mother’s shirt tightly and sobbed in her arms like a kid. The warmth coming from his mother’s embrace calmed him down a bit but the aching feeling on his heart was still there.

The fireworks erupted in the sky. Akaashi looked up and his eyes started to water again. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound of it ringing in his ears. 

_ "Close your eyes and feel. Listen to the fireworks exploding in the sky and you'll know what I mean." _

Bokuto’s voice echoed in his mind, drowning the sound of fireworks.

He kept his eyes closed and feel...feel...feel until he found it.

Bokuto’s golden eyes stared back at him, glinting and full of life. He bit his lower lip to muffle his sobs.

And it was the first color he saw in his entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna check my bkak short aus, you can visit my profile in [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mimiru_shin) And tell me what you think about this fic!


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